


Fix

by bgrrl



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: Drabble, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-25
Updated: 2011-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-28 01:53:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/302436
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bgrrl/pseuds/bgrrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes Ewan just needs to silence the voice in his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fix

**Author's Note:**

> Written for slashthedrabble’s Fix Challenge. Part 2 will be Hayden’s side of the equation.

Ewan sits alone staring at the bar. He wants a drink, bad. A drink, see that’s the problem he just can’t have a drink. Never could. One always leads to ten, always leads to things best forgotten, always leads to remorse. Still, alone at night, in an anonymous suite, after a long day of being Ewan Mcgregor, the movie star, when he’s just a man he misses alcohol, needs it. 

Ewan isn’t naive, he understands the nature of his weakness. He knows it’s not about the alcohol, it about that voice inside him that is never silent. No matter how successful he is, no matter how busy, no matter how much Eve and the girls love him, it’s there just beneath the surface. It’s dark, and it’s ugly and it’s screaming. That voice in his head scares him.

He walks over to the bar and picks up a bottle of Scotch. A shot would quiet the voice down. Two or three and it would be just a whisper. It’ll take the whole bottle to drown it out. He needs the silence, because he can’t live with the noise it makes him want to crawl out of his skin and slither into oblivion. That’s why he stays here, and waits when he should be in his room asleep. 

He hears the click of the door, and Hayden is there. He walks over to Hayden, and kisses him hard, tugging at the boy’s half unbuttoned shirt. He can feel the blood rushing through him as he bites Hayden’s neck, breaking the skin. Then there is a pained moan in his ear and he needs, more. He his heart starts to race as he pushes Hayden down. Soon there is no sound but Hayden’s cries of want, of pain. When Ewan comes there is silence in his head. He looks over at Hayden, bruises and blood marring the clean lines of his back. He doesn’t bother to apologize anymore, he just leaves.

Ewan isn’t sure when he when Hayden became the thing that shut down the voice in his head. He knows he’s wrong, knows he’s his betraying his wife, his children, himself. He knows he fucking Hayden up a little more each day. He knows this is a dangerous game. He knows that if he loved Hayden even a little bit he would stop, but he can’t help himself. He needs a fix. 


End file.
